Monthly Archives: August 2023

SEC Football: Week One

Welcome to Week One of SEC Picks on Bird’s Banter! Don’t we all remember Week Zero so fondly?! I was 1-0 on my only prediction of Vanderbilt over Hawaii. We saw a few good football games. Ah! Those were the days. Now we are pushing into Labor Day Weekend and many, many gridiron contests. A full slate of the best college football in the country! Along with ALL the other conferences. Bless their hearts! Let’s ride!

Florida at Utah (-5)

Da Utes (there’s more than two of them) are looking to avenge last year’s loss to the Gators in Gainesville. They will have the home field advantage way out yonder in Salt Lake City. I spent one night in Salt Lake City at a Best Western. My son, Luke, and I making our way from our home near Nashville to Boise, Idaho. It was my first far flung assignment as a AAA inspector. A “swing” inspector. That means I could be given work anywhere in the good ol’ USA. And I did see a whole lot of her during my 20 years in that job capacity. Back to the game at hand. In the Sodium Center. (I like mine Pink Himalayan). Tonight! The home squadron is ranked 14th in both polls. The Water Lizards are not ranked. Utah’s Kyle Whittingham is one of the best head coaches out there. Not just in NACLville, but in all of the US of A. Florida’s Billy Napier? We’ll see. A shaky nod to the Morton’s clan. Utah 24, Florida 21.

South Dakota at Missouri (No line)

Now we bounce from the epicenter of the Morman universe to the capital of the Show Me State. The visiting Coyotes, hailing from Badlands/Mount Rushmoring country, are given a less than 5 per cent chance to win the game. I give them a less than one per cent chance to upset the Tigers. It ain’t happening. Mizzou coach Eli Drinkwitz (You) will have his Tigers growling loudly and they will rip the moon howlers to shreds. Missouri 52, South Dakota 3.

Virginia at Tennessee (-28)

The Double Dribblers will be traveling to good ol’ Rocky Top for this opener and the Cavs might get dunked in corn liquor or, at least, fouled. No three free throws or three pointers will save the visitors. The final score will be a margin of four TD’s or more. Tennessee 38, Virginia 9.

Ball State at Kentucky (-26.5)

Unlike Stanford, Ball State sports multiple Cardinals, yet 22, 44, or even 66 (multiples of 11 you see) traveling redbirds will be enough for Dave Letterman’s alma mater to skin the Cats. Kentucky 35, Ball State 7.

West Carolina at Arkansas (No line)

Allow me another AAA work reference if you will. When we moved to to the Peach State in 1996, Western North Carolina was in my territory. Asheville, Cherokee, Maggie Valley, Cashiers, Highlands, and yes, Cullowhee, the home of Western Carolina University, are all located in this beautiful region of the Tar Heel State. It will not be a pretty site for Catamount fans when the Razorbacks are done with them. Arkansas 48, Western Carolina 13.

Mercer at Ole Miss (No line)

The Baptist Bears versus the Black Bears. All the folks tailgating in The Grove better secure those “pickinic” baskets or ol’ Yogi, Boo Boo, and friends might make off with a huge haul of goodies. The Maconites will be crushed by the Lane Train and it won’t be a peachy sight. Ole Miss 49, Mercer 6.

OK! Enough. Let’s not continue to waste our breath or keep typing unnecessarily. Holy Zonkers, Batman! 

SE Louisiana at Miss State (No line.)

State! Whack!

UT Martin at Georgia (No line)

Dawgs! Stomp!

New Mexico at Texas A&M (-38) Which translates to “Just as well be no line.”

Aggies! Bam!

Alabama A&M at Vanderbilt (No line)

Dores! Bonk!

MTSU at Alabama (-39)

Crimpson Tide! Crush!

Batman TV theme song plays… And fades into…

“Nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina in the morning…”

And now for our second, and last true contest of Week One…

South Carolina vs. North Carolina (-2.5) at Charlotte

This one should be a dandy! The Tar Heels are ranked number 21. The Cocks (don’t be crude, Bird!) are almost ranked, accruing the 27th highest number of points both top 25 polls. The game features two potential Heisman candidates, Spencer Rattler (USCe) and Drake Maye (UNC). SEC-ACC. Prime time! (I wonder how Colorado will fare Saturday?) The wizened veteran, Mack “The Knife” Brown, and the young upstart, Shane “On You” Beamer. And break out the condiments! It’s the Duke’s Mayo Classic! Make it a ham on wheat with nothing but mayonnaise! YeeHaaw! North Carolina 35, South Carolina 31. 

FSU vs. LSU (-2.5) at Orlando

The biggest game of the weekend in college football. The only clash pitting two ranked teams, number five LSU and number eight Florida State. Last year’s hotly contested battle saw the Noles escape with a thrilling 24-23 win down in New Orleans. I wouldn’t be surprised to see something similar this time out. Should be a barnburner. Chief RC Cola and Mike the Tiger. A couple of fine mascots, as well. Another SEC-ACC matchup. Florida State has been doing more shopping than mall full of Christmas gift purchasing freaks on Black Friday. It’s looking to get the hail out of the Atlantic Coast Conference. More on that later in the season. Hoo Hooooo, mercy! We got us a doozie Sunday night! LSU 30, FSU 28.

And! Drumroll please!

UMass at Auburn (-35). PTL! It’s finally time for the opening day kickoff in “The loveliest Village of the plains.” Coach Hugh Freeze and his highly capable staff have done a remarkable job of revitalizing the roster through recruiting and the transfer portal. The NIL hasn’t hurt, at all, either. The Minutemen are to be commended for a nice win Week Zero, trouncing New Mexico State out in “The Land of Enchantment”. Las Cruces too be exact. The competition takes a hard uptick for the visitors Saturday afternoon as an angry and hungry group of Tigers are growling and snarling to prove they are back and ready prowl. The O line appears to be very much improved and the stable of running backs is deep and extremely talented. So look for a steady diet of totin’ the rock. That should lay the base for a few deep bombs and a diet of RPO’s from Michigan State transfer QB Payton Thorne, one of four Auburn captains. Robby Ashford should complement him well with his blazing speed and running ability. Watch out for a deep group of receivers, including the tight ends. Remember the names Renaldo Fairweather and Shane Hooks. Two potential beasts at tight end and wide receiver, respectively. And watch for true freshman running back Jeremiah Cobb coming out of the backfield to catch some passes. Think along the line of Cadillac Williams, his position coach. Offensive coordinator Ron Roberts will bring an aggressive style attacking defense that has plenty of hosses, but like the rest of the roster, they must step up and prove themselves. Oscar Chapman (punter), and Alex McPherson (placekicker)should prove to be outstanding. And watch for Brian Battie on kickoff returns. Jarquez Hunter will be back there with him. Lane Kiifin was quoted, a couple of years back, as saying Hugh Freeze is the best game day coach in college football. All this adds up to an exciting year on the Plains. Auburn fans, let’s be patient and enjoy it. Hope springs eternal as evidenced by the fact that all but a handful of tickets to the Miss State and New Mexico State games have been sold. They will be gone soon. “Heeeeeeere come the Tigers!!! Auburn 44, UMass 16.

Like Porky Pig used to sputter, “That’s all Folks!” Take care out there and love your neighbor as yourself. That’s the key! Have a great Labor Day weekend! Peace out!

SEC Football: Week Zero

Zero is scored “love” in tennis. That might lead you to think what’s love got to do with college football, in general, and the SEC, in particular. Well, I love college football and the SEC, as do those who will take the time to read this blog. And I hope Auburn’s first opponent, the University of Massachusetts, scores zero points next week when we rabid football fans finally get to a full slate of SEC games.

There is one SEC game on tap for Week Zero. Vanderbilt will host Hawaii. The Dores are a 17 point favorite to defeat the Rainbows. And who doesn’t like rainbows? And lollipops? And roses? I digress. I like digressing.

(Clears throat)

The SEC. Enjoy this 2023 season of SEC football. It’s the last time you will see it in its current form. Next year the conference will add Texas and Oklahoma to its already stellar cast of 14 squadrons. There will be no divisions. No SEC East and SEC West. It’ll be one through 16. The top two teams will play in the SEC Championship Game. And there will be an expanded playoff field. The playoff has to be revisited and revised due to the new madness of conference upheavals. Then there’s NIL and the transfer portal. I truly hope greed doesn’t kill the games. A motto of mine is “Greed Kills”. So good luck to college football and her survival.

Here are my picks on how things will finish in the SEC. A couple of adjustments since I posted my initial impressions on Facebook immediately after SEC Media Days.

Once more with feeling!

SEC East

  1. Georgia
  2. Tennessee
  3. Kentucky
  4. Missouri
  5. South Carolina
  6. Florida
  7. Vanderbilt

SEC West

  1. LSU
  2. Alabama
  3. Texas A&M
  4. Auburn
  5. Ole Miss
  6. Arkansas
  7. Miss State

Georgia is, of course , a “Duh” pick to win the East, although that group of runners up continue to improve as the East gets better and better. The Dawgs and Tennessee game, in November at Neyland Stadium, could be for the all marbles in that division. There are no bad teams in the East any longer. Yes, I love what Clark Lea is doing in Music City. Vandy is not an automatic “W” as you glance over your favorite team’s schedule and it includes Vandy. Eli Drinkwitz (You) and Shane Beamer have both done great jobs at Mizzou and USCe, respectively. The jury is still out on Billy Napier and the Gators. He is recruiting quite well at Florida. And you can’t count out Mark Stoops and his Cats. They’ll be gnarly, per usual.

Will the SEC West be decided in Tuscaloosa when the Bayou Bengals come to town? ‘Twas the case in Red Stick in 2022. Preseason pundits seem to love the Aggies of College Station as they do every season and, to this point, that love has not translated to a division title.

Lane Kiffin has been quoted as saying that Hugh Freeze is the best game day coach in college football. I hope he is correct. What he has done on the Plains, thus far, is nothing short of remarkable. Auburn will be highly competitive and capable of beating anyone on its schedule. They will also be capable of losing to anyone except UMass, Samford and New Mexico State. I do believe the Tigers ceiling is nine wins. Who’d a thunk it after the 2022 mess. Thank God for Cadillac and Hugh. We Aubie folks were looking square at a 3-9 season before the “Freeze Warning” was issued and we were replenished with an incredible haul in recruiting and a portal bonanza. WDE!

I think Ole Miss has a cruel schedule that will keep the Rebs from being contenders to win the West. Arky and State have very good football teams but the SEC West simply doesn’t allow either team to land in its top three. One of them in the fourth slot? Maaaaay-be.

One more observation on the West. Bobby Petrino as OC at A&M will be fun to watch. Whatever else you think about him, he can flat out coach an offense. Harley’s? Not so much. Jimbo and Petrino. A match made in (fill in the blank).

How about a quick update on conference realignments. The Big 10 has 20 teams. The Big 12 has 18. The SEC sports 16 fine football teams. And the ACC is squabbling about adding Cal, Stanford, and SMU. That would give the “Atlantic” Coast Conference 18 teams. And we would say goodbye to the PAC 12. Tragic.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

On to the “pick”.

Hawaii at Vanderbilt (-17)

The Rainbows will be dancing to the hula beats while the Anchormen will pedal up the steel guitar and twang late into the early Sunday morning hours. A battle it shall not be as the Music City Home Boys thump the visitors from the Aloha state. Vanderbilt 44, Hawaii 10.

“Well I woke up Sunday morning with no way to hold my head that it didn’t hurt, and the beer I had for breakfast wasn’t bad so I had one more for dessert. Then I fumble through my closet for my clothes and found my cleanest dirty shirt. And I washed my face and combed my hair and stumbled down the stairs to meet the day…” ($1 to the great Kris Kristofferson!)

That’ll do it for Week Zero in the SEC and all of college football! Take care out there and love your neighbor as yourself.

Next week! Batman vs. Mr. Freeze! Peace out!

 

 

Tennessee Saturday Nights

Tonight reminds me of so many Saturday nights in the early through mid 90’s when we lived in a little log/modular farmhouse on Cecil Keesling’s place about 25 minutes northeast of Nashville in Summer County, TN.

We’d do one of two things. Grill out or go to Gabe’s, “Nashville’s most charming Honky Tonk.” Gabe’s was where session players and country music’s backup band players jammed on Friday and Saturday nights. And they were cooking. And it was a dive. A most wonderful dive.

But Gabe’s deserves a formal blog unto itself.

Tonight’s a grill out night. In TN I’d usually put the Columbia Classic Country CD which kicked off with Johnny Cash’s “I Still Miss Someone.” Later, after our burger or steak or chicken we would listen to a Country Gold program on the radio.

And it was beautiful out there on Cecil’s place. He and his wife lived there the first 10 years of marriage and later bought a large proper house in a nice little subdivision very near where Beech Elementary, Middle and High Schools were. Cecil always liked the farmhouse better, he told me. Worsham’s convenience/grocery store was across the road that ran beside the school’s grounds on the east side.

No telling who you might run into there. A lot of country music stars lived in Sumner County. I literally about bumped into Johnny Cash there one afternoon. He stepped back and opened the door for me. Well, I’m saying to myself, What do I call him? Finally I mustered up a “Thank you, Mr. John.”

Yep, it’s one of those nights. Not unlike one during the Tennessee years. I am so very fortunate. Now me and Miss LeCroy are gonna clean up from dinner and turn it up. I hope that those of you who read these ramblings of an old guy have a great evening. I know we will.

Take us out Kris, “Lord help me Jesus I’ve wasted it so, help me Jesus, I know what I am. Now that I know that I’ve needed you so, help me Jesus, my soul’s in your hands, Jesus, my soul’s in your hands.”