Tag Archives: Alabama Crimson Tide

SEC Football: Week Three

How’re y’all doing ? Bless your hearts! George Jones often opened his shows with that line when he took the stage. Then he’d usually say something like, “We love you so much already that we won’t leave till 2 or 3 o’clock in the morning if you’ll stay with us. So let’s do it!” That’s how late we stayed up watching Auburn and Cal last Saturday night/Sunday morning. Whew! That’s the word I have after escaping with the “W”. Like Al Davis, the long time Oakland Raiders owner used to say, “Just win baby!” We are now 26-3. on the season for a pct. of .896. That rounds up to 90% if my math skills are intact. I don’t know about the rest of me. Pickin’ time!

LSU (-9.5) at Miss State

A great way to kickoff an SEC football Saturday at 12 noon. A dangerous game, In StarkVegas, for the more talented visitors from Red Stick. Methinks the Pups need to open it up a bit, they’ve gone run heavy, and turn QB Will Rogers loose. LSU 31-21.

Kansas State (-4) at Missouri

The Wildcats roar into Columbia ranked number 15, undefeated, and have shredded their opponents by a combined total of 87-13. Mizzou is 2-0, as well, but they sho nuff struggled with MTSU last week. Cats win and cover. Kansas State 28, Missouri 20.

South Carolina at Georgia (-27.5)

It was the summer of 1984 and my family was traveling from our home near Albany, NY back to the state where we grew up, Alabama. We were passing through North Carolina. It was hot and we were all thirsty. I suggested we stop at Camp Lejuene to get a drink of water. Our dog included. Oops! Turns out our dog was “with” puppies and they were all born three-legged. I know it’s a ridiculous story. And so is Georgia’s schedule. Spencer is rattled. Early and often. Dawgs 41, Cocks 17.

Alabama (-33) AT South Florida

At Tampa. Nice trip. Good recruiting move. Clearwater Beach. Hey! Get down there early and enjoy Ybor City and Busch Gardens. Stir up some excitement. The game will not provide any. If it is exciting it’ll be a long year for Alabama. Tide 48, South Florida 10.

UL Monroe at Texas A&M (-36.5)

Jimbo played for Terry Bowden at Salem College and at Samford. He was with Terry as a ol quarterback coach for many years, including at Auburn. They won a lot of games together. Now Terry coaches at ULM. The program with less resources than any other program in the FBS. I wish Coach Bowden luck. He’ll need it. Texas A&M 45, UL Monroe 14.

Tennessee (-6) at Florida

The Vols have not beaten the Water Lizards in Gainesville since 2005. The Great Pumpkin was head ball coach in Knoxville at the time. It was Urban Cryer’s first season in The Swamp. In other words, it’s been awhile. Weep not, ye Vols in tears! Tennessee 27, Florida 17.

Samford at Auburn (-34)

My one word summation of Auburn’s trip to the Golden State? Whew! And I would add, it got the “W”. That is the bottom line. The Bham Baptists are being sacrificed at the altar of a Power Five feast. It will be ugly but the Bulldogs will take a seven figure check back to Birmingham. Hugh Freeze & Co. will probably sling it around a good bit more this week. Gotta tune up that passing game. It will be needed in spades beginning next week in College Station. Auburn 51, Samford 0.

Vanderbilt (-5) at UNLV

A VegasFest! Las vs. Nash. The one-armed bandits will be humming and the Music City gang will be strumming. It should actually be a good game. Dores 31, Rebels 24.

Georgia Tech at Ole Miss (-17.5)

”Oh if I had a daughter sir I’d dress her in white and gold”, and take her to The Grove. She’ll tailgate like her life depends on it. Bobby Dodd once vowed that he would never take his team to Mississippi. Legendary Tech coach Bobby Dodd is going to roll over in his grave Saturday. I’d love to see the Ramblin’ Wrecks make it a close game. But… Reb-Sharks 42, Bees 20.

Brigham Young at Arkansas (-8)

The Cougars are looking for love in Fayetteville. But why women who prefer much younger men as a mascot? Beats me! To each his or her own. The Razorbacks won’t be seduced by a team they whipped in 2022. The Hawgs look to sweep this brief affair. Only a two game series. Sam Pittman’s Pigs will take advantage of the home field and remain undefeated on the season. Arky 30, BYU 24.

Akron at Kentucky (-25)

The Zips invade The Bluegrass in an evening kickoff at Kroger Field. The Cats should romp to a 3-0 record when this one is in the books. The Zippos will light a path back to Tire Town wounded and weary. Kentucky 38, Akron 10.

Remember to take care out there and love your neighbor. If said neighbor is a cougar… well, you’re on your own. Just do like Hillbilly Jim says when he signs off on his Outlaw Country show on SiriusXM radio. “Be kind to one another. It’s the right thing to do.” Take us home Ronnie McDowell!

“Older women, are beautiful lovers
Older women, they understand
I’ve been around some, and I have discovered
That older women know just how to please a man…”

Photo credit Miss Melodye LeCroy. Bird riding George Jones’ tractor at the now defunct Nashville restaurant and bar complex.


SEC Football: Week Two

We’re having technical difficulties here at Bird’s Banter. I’ve written several predictions, some multiple times, over the last two days, only to have them not “save.” I come back to the site and they have vamoosed. The three immediately below somehow survived. Soooo, on the bigger competitive games it’ll just be teams, lines, picks. Below those games will be the NWTTE games. Not worth the time and effort. The heavily favored teams will win em all and said favorite will be underlined. Let us roll.

Vanderbilt at Wake Forest (-10)

The Dores and the Deacons. Almost sounds like Jim Morrison and company crashing a church committee meeting. “You cannot petition the Lord with prayer!” The clearly buzzed frontman screams at the chair of the ‘Harumphs’. That’s one I’d pay to see, particularly if said deacs were of the fundamentalist ilk. Ok! This is actually one of the best matchups in Week Two of NCAA Football. In a stemwinder. Wake Forest 31, Vanderbilt 28.

Ball State at Georgia (-42)

The Cardinals are do do hammered for the second week in a row versus an SEC foe. The Dawgs pit crew will be challenged as the home squad speeds through another laugher. Georgia 49, Ball State 3.

Ole Miss (-7.5) at Tulane

”Way down yonder in New Orleans…” It’ll be rockin’ in the Superdome Satday! The hometown Green Wave have a decent shot at besting the Reb-Bears but the visitors have too much firepower. And thinking about this game flings a roast beef po boy craving on me. Ole Miss 35, Tulane 27.

Texas A&M (-3.5) at Miami. Aggies in a dandy.

Texas at Alabama (-7) Bama by 8.

Arizona at Miss State (-9) State wins and look good doing it.

NWTTE

Eastern Kentucky at Kentucky

Kent State at Arkansas

Austin Peay at Tennessee

Grambling at LSU

McNeese at Florida

Furman at South Carolina

And…

Auburn (-6) at California

I had the pleasure of working at Berkley, in campus ministry, from August of ‘86 through mid-April of ‘87. We got to see the Big Game, as it is called, with a 1-9 Cal team, coached by Joe Kapp, upset an 8-1 Stanford team. Also saw John Prine for the first time. Arlo Guthrie opened for him. It’s a beautiful campus and I loved it. We had really hoped to get out there for this one but it didn’t work out. I don’t think Auburn showed a whole lot last week. It won handily without having to do so. Auburn will open it up Saturday night with a nicely balanced offense and will really get after Cal and its quarterback in Ron Roberts’ attack style defense. Special teams? Another pick six? Could Brian Battie take a kickoff return to the house? Will Jarquez Hunter return.? Yes he will. And the Tigers will take the Golden Bears down! Auburn 34, Cal 24.

Hot dang! Can’t wait for this late night clash! SEC Football from noon until about 2 AM Sunday! Love your neighbor and be safe if you’re traveling to see your team play. Peace out. Take us home Jonny Prine!

”And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile
It don’t cost very much, but it lasts a long while
Won’t you please tell the man I didn’t kill anyone
No, I’m just tryin’ to have me some fun…”

SEC Football: Week One

Welcome to Week One of SEC Picks on Bird’s Banter! Don’t we all remember Week Zero so fondly?! I was 1-0 on my only prediction of Vanderbilt over Hawaii. We saw a few good football games. Ah! Those were the days. Now we are pushing into Labor Day Weekend and many, many gridiron contests. A full slate of the best college football in the country! Along with ALL the other conferences. Bless their hearts! Let’s ride!

Florida at Utah (-5)

Da Utes (there’s more than two of them) are looking to avenge last year’s loss to the Gators in Gainesville. They will have the home field advantage way out yonder in Salt Lake City. I spent one night in Salt Lake City at a Best Western. My son, Luke, and I making our way from our home near Nashville to Boise, Idaho. It was my first far flung assignment as a AAA inspector. A “swing” inspector. That means I could be given work anywhere in the good ol’ USA. And I did see a whole lot of her during my 20 years in that job capacity. Back to the game at hand. In the Sodium Center. (I like mine Pink Himalayan). Tonight! The home squadron is ranked 14th in both polls. The Water Lizards are not ranked. Utah’s Kyle Whittingham is one of the best head coaches out there. Not just in NACLville, but in all of the US of A. Florida’s Billy Napier? We’ll see. A shaky nod to the Morton’s clan. Utah 24, Florida 21.

South Dakota at Missouri (No line)

Now we bounce from the epicenter of the Morman universe to the capital of the Show Me State. The visiting Coyotes, hailing from Badlands/Mount Rushmoring country, are given a less than 5 per cent chance to win the game. I give them a less than one per cent chance to upset the Tigers. It ain’t happening. Mizzou coach Eli Drinkwitz (You) will have his Tigers growling loudly and they will rip the moon howlers to shreds. Missouri 52, South Dakota 3.

Virginia at Tennessee (-28)

The Double Dribblers will be traveling to good ol’ Rocky Top for this opener and the Cavs might get dunked in corn liquor or, at least, fouled. No three free throws or three pointers will save the visitors. The final score will be a margin of four TD’s or more. Tennessee 38, Virginia 9.

Ball State at Kentucky (-26.5)

Unlike Stanford, Ball State sports multiple Cardinals, yet 22, 44, or even 66 (multiples of 11 you see) traveling redbirds will be enough for Dave Letterman’s alma mater to skin the Cats. Kentucky 35, Ball State 7.

West Carolina at Arkansas (No line)

Allow me another AAA work reference if you will. When we moved to to the Peach State in 1996, Western North Carolina was in my territory. Asheville, Cherokee, Maggie Valley, Cashiers, Highlands, and yes, Cullowhee, the home of Western Carolina University, are all located in this beautiful region of the Tar Heel State. It will not be a pretty site for Catamount fans when the Razorbacks are done with them. Arkansas 48, Western Carolina 13.

Mercer at Ole Miss (No line)

The Baptist Bears versus the Black Bears. All the folks tailgating in The Grove better secure those “pickinic” baskets or ol’ Yogi, Boo Boo, and friends might make off with a huge haul of goodies. The Maconites will be crushed by the Lane Train and it won’t be a peachy sight. Ole Miss 49, Mercer 6.

OK! Enough. Let’s not continue to waste our breath or keep typing unnecessarily. Holy Zonkers, Batman! 

SE Louisiana at Miss State (No line.)

State! Whack!

UT Martin at Georgia (No line)

Dawgs! Stomp!

New Mexico at Texas A&M (-38) Which translates to “Just as well be no line.”

Aggies! Bam!

Alabama A&M at Vanderbilt (No line)

Dores! Bonk!

MTSU at Alabama (-39)

Crimpson Tide! Crush!

Batman TV theme song plays… And fades into…

“Nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina in the morning…”

And now for our second, and last true contest of Week One…

South Carolina vs. North Carolina (-2.5) at Charlotte

This one should be a dandy! The Tar Heels are ranked number 21. The Cocks (don’t be crude, Bird!) are almost ranked, accruing the 27th highest number of points both top 25 polls. The game features two potential Heisman candidates, Spencer Rattler (USCe) and Drake Maye (UNC). SEC-ACC. Prime time! (I wonder how Colorado will fare Saturday?) The wizened veteran, Mack “The Knife” Brown, and the young upstart, Shane “On You” Beamer. And break out the condiments! It’s the Duke’s Mayo Classic! Make it a ham on wheat with nothing but mayonnaise! YeeHaaw! North Carolina 35, South Carolina 31. 

FSU vs. LSU (-2.5) at Orlando

The biggest game of the weekend in college football. The only clash pitting two ranked teams, number five LSU and number eight Florida State. Last year’s hotly contested battle saw the Noles escape with a thrilling 24-23 win down in New Orleans. I wouldn’t be surprised to see something similar this time out. Should be a barnburner. Chief RC Cola and Mike the Tiger. A couple of fine mascots, as well. Another SEC-ACC matchup. Florida State has been doing more shopping than mall full of Christmas gift purchasing freaks on Black Friday. It’s looking to get the hail out of the Atlantic Coast Conference. More on that later in the season. Hoo Hooooo, mercy! We got us a doozie Sunday night! LSU 30, FSU 28.

And! Drumroll please!

UMass at Auburn (-35). PTL! It’s finally time for the opening day kickoff in “The loveliest Village of the plains.” Coach Hugh Freeze and his highly capable staff have done a remarkable job of revitalizing the roster through recruiting and the transfer portal. The NIL hasn’t hurt, at all, either. The Minutemen are to be commended for a nice win Week Zero, trouncing New Mexico State out in “The Land of Enchantment”. Las Cruces too be exact. The competition takes a hard uptick for the visitors Saturday afternoon as an angry and hungry group of Tigers are growling and snarling to prove they are back and ready prowl. The O line appears to be very much improved and the stable of running backs is deep and extremely talented. So look for a steady diet of totin’ the rock. That should lay the base for a few deep bombs and a diet of RPO’s from Michigan State transfer QB Payton Thorne, one of four Auburn captains. Robby Ashford should complement him well with his blazing speed and running ability. Watch out for a deep group of receivers, including the tight ends. Remember the names Renaldo Fairweather and Shane Hooks. Two potential beasts at tight end and wide receiver, respectively. And watch for true freshman running back Jeremiah Cobb coming out of the backfield to catch some passes. Think along the line of Cadillac Williams, his position coach. Offensive coordinator Ron Roberts will bring an aggressive style attacking defense that has plenty of hosses, but like the rest of the roster, they must step up and prove themselves. Oscar Chapman (punter), and Alex McPherson (placekicker)should prove to be outstanding. And watch for Brian Battie on kickoff returns. Jarquez Hunter will be back there with him. Lane Kiifin was quoted, a couple of years back, as saying Hugh Freeze is the best game day coach in college football. All this adds up to an exciting year on the Plains. Auburn fans, let’s be patient and enjoy it. Hope springs eternal as evidenced by the fact that all but a handful of tickets to the Miss State and New Mexico State games have been sold. They will be gone soon. “Heeeeeeere come the Tigers!!! Auburn 44, UMass 16.

Like Porky Pig used to sputter, “That’s all Folks!” Take care out there and love your neighbor as yourself. That’s the key! Have a great Labor Day weekend! Peace out!

SEC Football: Week Zero

Zero is scored “love” in tennis. That might lead you to think what’s love got to do with college football, in general, and the SEC, in particular. Well, I love college football and the SEC, as do those who will take the time to read this blog. And I hope Auburn’s first opponent, the University of Massachusetts, scores zero points next week when we rabid football fans finally get to a full slate of SEC games.

There is one SEC game on tap for Week Zero. Vanderbilt will host Hawaii. The Dores are a 17 point favorite to defeat the Rainbows. And who doesn’t like rainbows? And lollipops? And roses? I digress. I like digressing.

(Clears throat)

The SEC. Enjoy this 2023 season of SEC football. It’s the last time you will see it in its current form. Next year the conference will add Texas and Oklahoma to its already stellar cast of 14 squadrons. There will be no divisions. No SEC East and SEC West. It’ll be one through 16. The top two teams will play in the SEC Championship Game. And there will be an expanded playoff field. The playoff has to be revisited and revised due to the new madness of conference upheavals. Then there’s NIL and the transfer portal. I truly hope greed doesn’t kill the games. A motto of mine is “Greed Kills”. So good luck to college football and her survival.

Here are my picks on how things will finish in the SEC. A couple of adjustments since I posted my initial impressions on Facebook immediately after SEC Media Days.

Once more with feeling!

SEC East

  1. Georgia
  2. Tennessee
  3. Kentucky
  4. Missouri
  5. South Carolina
  6. Florida
  7. Vanderbilt

SEC West

  1. LSU
  2. Alabama
  3. Texas A&M
  4. Auburn
  5. Ole Miss
  6. Arkansas
  7. Miss State

Georgia is, of course , a “Duh” pick to win the East, although that group of runners up continue to improve as the East gets better and better. The Dawgs and Tennessee game, in November at Neyland Stadium, could be for the all marbles in that division. There are no bad teams in the East any longer. Yes, I love what Clark Lea is doing in Music City. Vandy is not an automatic “W” as you glance over your favorite team’s schedule and it includes Vandy. Eli Drinkwitz (You) and Shane Beamer have both done great jobs at Mizzou and USCe, respectively. The jury is still out on Billy Napier and the Gators. He is recruiting quite well at Florida. And you can’t count out Mark Stoops and his Cats. They’ll be gnarly, per usual.

Will the SEC West be decided in Tuscaloosa when the Bayou Bengals come to town? ‘Twas the case in Red Stick in 2022. Preseason pundits seem to love the Aggies of College Station as they do every season and, to this point, that love has not translated to a division title.

Lane Kiffin has been quoted as saying that Hugh Freeze is the best game day coach in college football. I hope he is correct. What he has done on the Plains, thus far, is nothing short of remarkable. Auburn will be highly competitive and capable of beating anyone on its schedule. They will also be capable of losing to anyone except UMass, Samford and New Mexico State. I do believe the Tigers ceiling is nine wins. Who’d a thunk it after the 2022 mess. Thank God for Cadillac and Hugh. We Aubie folks were looking square at a 3-9 season before the “Freeze Warning” was issued and we were replenished with an incredible haul in recruiting and a portal bonanza. WDE!

I think Ole Miss has a cruel schedule that will keep the Rebs from being contenders to win the West. Arky and State have very good football teams but the SEC West simply doesn’t allow either team to land in its top three. One of them in the fourth slot? Maaaaay-be.

One more observation on the West. Bobby Petrino as OC at A&M will be fun to watch. Whatever else you think about him, he can flat out coach an offense. Harley’s? Not so much. Jimbo and Petrino. A match made in (fill in the blank).

How about a quick update on conference realignments. The Big 10 has 20 teams. The Big 12 has 18. The SEC sports 16 fine football teams. And the ACC is squabbling about adding Cal, Stanford, and SMU. That would give the “Atlantic” Coast Conference 18 teams. And we would say goodbye to the PAC 12. Tragic.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

On to the “pick”.

Hawaii at Vanderbilt (-17)

The Rainbows will be dancing to the hula beats while the Anchormen will pedal up the steel guitar and twang late into the early Sunday morning hours. A battle it shall not be as the Music City Home Boys thump the visitors from the Aloha state. Vanderbilt 44, Hawaii 10.

“Well I woke up Sunday morning with no way to hold my head that it didn’t hurt, and the beer I had for breakfast wasn’t bad so I had one more for dessert. Then I fumble through my closet for my clothes and found my cleanest dirty shirt. And I washed my face and combed my hair and stumbled down the stairs to meet the day…” ($1 to the great Kris Kristofferson!)

That’ll do it for Week Zero in the SEC and all of college football! Take care out there and love your neighbor as yourself.

Next week! Batman vs. Mr. Freeze! Peace out!

 

 

SEC Football: Week 12

Were it not for Vanderbilt upsetting Kentucky last week, I would have gone 7-0. 69-19 is now the tally on this 2022 SEC Football season. The pct. is .784. Got some cupcakes along with some very good SEC only games in week 12. And you know what’s up next week?! It brings Egg Bowl, Iron Bowl, et al! Will Friend and Ike Hilliard have done a good job of getting the AU running game at its peak and I look forward to continued improvements, and hopefully, some of those adjustments in the passing game to give the Tigers some more growl for that little contest in T-Town. Let’s roll!

Austin Peay at Alabama (No line)

The Governors have their “work work work” (See Blazing Saddles’ “Gov”) cut out for them in T-Town in this nooner (the First of four 12 ET games). The Tide scores early and often in a rout. No drama here unless you do happen to be wagering against the spread. You can get a spread in Vegas. Alabama 55, Austin Peay 3.

TSU at Mississippi State (No line. Again.)

The Buccaneers of East Tennessee State are the sacrificial lambs at StarkVegas. Will Rogers should be able to “slang it around” as he pleases. The Pirate versus the Buccaneers. Just thought of that. Would you like icing on that cupcake, Coach Leach? Miss State 48, ETSU 10,

Florida (-14) at Vanderbilt

Hey! Anchors away! Dores won at the Kentucky Kroger Wildcats last Satday. Why not this Satday? Well, the Water Lizards hammered USC East in The Swamp and they’ll reduce the NashVegas homies to rubble also. Florida 38, Vanderbilt 13.

Georgia (-22.5) at KK Cats

Dawgs are a true force of nature. They be wompin’ the competition left and right. And down the middle. tomorrow in the Bluegrass will be no different. Buster Brown continues to march the Hedgers to Hotlanta. Georgia 38, Kentucky 14.

Western Kentucky at Auburn (-5.5)

The Hilltoppers score points by the bucketful, 42 last week and 59 the week before. Coach Lac and DC Schmedding will have to get that D fine tuned. The visiting Bowling Green, KY gang can”slang it good” themselves. The Tigers’ running game has been quite good as mentioned above, and I expect Tank and Jarquez to lead a ground game that maybe hits 300 yards Saturday. Gotta get up a full head of steam as they head for Bryant-Denny the next week.Could be a dandy but I hope not. Auburn 37, Western Kentucky 24.

Tennessee (-22) at South Carolina

Cobs and Roosters! Rocky Tops and Cockabooses. The Knoxvillians could be playoff bound. They take on Vandy next week to close the season. Almost certain to finish at 11-1. The SEC Championship game is set between UGA and LSU. The Vols get to rest and wait, eagerly. Josh Heupel will have UT focused and ready. The Cocks will crow but not loudly enough. Tennessee 45, South Carolina 17.

Ole Miss (-2.5) at Arkansas

Now this one SHOULD be a dandy! Amidst all the Kiffin to the Plains talk, he’s had him a huge game to plan for this week. Sam Pittman’s Pigs have had some ups and downs in 2022. I feel they will be primed for a fight with the Black Bear Rebel Sharks. It could go down to the wire with… Ole Miss 35, Arkansas 28.

New Mexico State at Missouri (-29)

The Aggies of Las Cruces (beautiful place in southern New Mexico) are severe underdogs and won’t pull off the upset. Mizzou has been so very close in its losses. Not a close one in Columbia, MO this week. The second set of SEC Tiguz romp. Missouri 42, NMSU 13.

UAB at LSU (-15)

Blazers and Bayou Bengals. And the Bhammers have been to Red Stick before when they toppled Nick Saban’s Tigers. It can be done. Hit won’t Saturday. But it could be fun. Here’s to hoping! LSU 34, UAB 16.

Here are some recommendations for the sporting weekend.

Detroit Deep Dish Pizza from Little Caesar’s. We cannot get those Anchor Bar wings from Buffalo but Taco Mac has some very good ones as does Three Dollar Cafe, and I bet that there is a local restaurant near each one of y’all that has good ones. Hey! Would you post on here where that would be in your neck of the woods? Everybody is near a Hardees. Good biscuits. I like the pork chop with egg. And anyone can also get some Milos iced tea. Also a bottle of tequila and a margarita mix will do the job.

How’s all that sound? Good luck to one and all. I hope your team wins unless you’re a Western Kentucky fan. Peace, love, and music. Safe travels. Love your neighbor. I’m outta here!

Photo credit Pexels Free Photos

SEC Football: Week 11

Here we are once again. Staring at a blank screen. Thinking about SEC Football. The Allman Brothers Band raging on a Whipping Post from August of 2003. I have SiriusXM tuned to the Jam On station. Now there’s a group named ALO doing ‘Cowboys and Chorus Girls’. Never heard of it or them. Time to learn someone new. That’s fine. What’s not fine was my pickin’ results from last weekend. I think I had a losing record. Time to tally up!

Ouch!!! that’s awful! I was 2-5. That’s makes me 63-18 on the season. And that is .777. Slipping a bit since we’ve gotten seriously into the red meat of the 2022 SEC season. There are seven picks this week with all of them SEC matchups. No out of conference or Group of Five or FCS opponents. As Archie Bell and The Drells sang, “Tighten Up!”

Brang it!

Missouri at Tennessee (-20.5)

Eli (I’d just love to have a) Drinkwitz you got a very generous new contract extension recently. Not bad for someone with a losing record (4-5). I like the guy and wish him well. A beaten and angry Vols squad at Neyland Stadium is not the place to even that record at 5-5 this Satday. Kirby’s Dawgs put a butt whuppin’ on them down Twixt the Hedges. The Corn Cobbers return to their pre-Gawja ways and whack the Show Me Tigers. Tennessee 42, Missouri 17.

Lucky To be Alive by My Morning Jacket is now playing on the radiddio. It’s a good one.

LSU (-3.5) at Arkansas

I was not the least bit surprised that The Bayou Bengals upset the Tahd down in Red Stick. You Gotta Give Batman Kelly credit. He has these Tiguz improving each and every Saturday. Arky seems back to be back to form, as well. Should be dandy as the line would indicate. The visitors are in the Catbird Seat in the SEC West. Who’d a thunk it? The road to Atlanta continues for… LSU 37, Arkansas 28.

Ok ok! Now on SiriusXM. Ready? Vieux Farka Toure/Khruangbin – Tonga Barra. Pretty good!

Vanderbilt at Kentucky (-17.5)

The last of a Noon ET Tripleheader. The Nashvillians invade the Bluegrass. Who would Bill Monroe pull for in this clash of SEC Easters? I hear Easter in the Bluegrass is lovely. Too bad it’s mid-November. Kroger Field will be rife with savings galore. Get that gasoline discount before ye return to NashVegas. It’ll seem like a long trip. With an 88% chance to win… Kentucky 31, Vanderbilt 14.

Now it’s Jackie Greene on vocals with Gov’t Mule covering David Bowie’s ‘Changes’. Yes ma’am! I’m a huge Mule fan. Gov’t Mule has been my favorite live band for some years. Used to be that if they were within six hours of 116 Sundown Way, Acworth Gee A, Me and Paul were there. Our first live show was at The Tabernacle in Atlanta on 10/20/2001. One of those musical epiphany nights that transports and transforms you. They don’t happen often. But oh are they sweet! Like sugar! And speaking of sugar…

Alabama (-12) at Ole Miss

One of these two could very well wind up in NOLA as the SEC New Year’s Six representative in the Sugar Bowl. My guess is it will be Bama. It has a waaaaaay outside chance of making the SEC Championship Game. But I’m thinking LSWho is making the trip to Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Hotlanta. As a matter-of-fact, the Tuscaloosans could lose this contest in Groveville. They will if they are not on their best game. Another OT nail-biter for Nickydemus. Alabama 38, Ole Miss 35.

South Carolina at Florida (-8)

“Swamp Fox, Swamp Fox taił on his hat, nobody knows where the Swamp Fox is at. Swamp Fox, Swamp Fox living in the glen, he runs away to fight again.” The Swamp Fox was a Disney show from long ago. Taco time !!! It’s been awhile. If one of you can tell me who played Francis Marion (Revolutionary War hero) you win a taco! No cheating! But, as always, wagering is encouraged. Is coach Billy Napier now the Swamp Fox? Or is it QB Anthony Richardson? Napier’s Water Lizards spanked the Aggies last week. More on them later. It’s Senior Day in Gainesville. Florida 34, USC East 24.

Georgia (-16.5) at Mississippi State

The Bullpups were most fortunate to score more points than Auburn, in StarkVegas, Saturday previous. That shall not happen tomorrow. The visitors from Hedgeville will win this game. The Kirbyites might struggle a wee bit early in the game. And The Pirate’s aggregation of canines might be able to sling it around for a spell. But in the end… Georgia 40, Miss State 16.

And finally! Drumroll please!

“Well there she sits buddy just a gleaming in the sun, There to greet a working man when his day is done, I’m gonna pack my pa and I’m gonna pack my aunt, I’m gonna take them down to the CADILLAC RANCH!” YAY HEEEE! WDE!!! And gracias, Bruce Springsteen!

Texas A&M at Auburn (-1.5)

Yes, the Carnell Williams led Auburn Tigers are favored to defeat the Fighting Jimbos! The loser sinks to the bottom of the SEC West. Now, I am here to tell you this. I haven’t seen, or felt, this kind of excitement surrounding an Auburn Football game since the Penn State game back in mid-September. The sold out Auburn crowd will be raucous and rockin’ old Jordan-Hare tomorrow night! Coach Lac will have 25-30 of his former teammates with him in the locker room prior to the game. They come as a show of support of their beloved fellow Tiger, and many of them were together on that National Championship team form 2004. Arguably the best team in Auburn Football history. And, hell yes, they were champions! Raise the banner! (Along with the ’83 teams and a handful of others.) But more on that another day. I expect Auburn to come out on fire and jump out to a quick lead, and then they will proceed to trounce the Aggies on their way to wins in its final two outings to go 6-6 and make a bowl game. Never flag in zeal! “On to victory! Strike up the band!” Auburn 27, Texas A&M 21.

SiriusXM closing with St. Stephen by The Grateful Dead. How apropos! The mood at Auburn has turned on a dime and excitement, once again, abounds! Should be a great weekend for SEC football. Football all over the USA for that matter. Enjoy it!

As Hillbilly Jim says on his Outlaw Country radio show, “I’m not here for a long time. I’m here for a good time!”

Have fun! Be safe! And LOOOOVVVVE your neighbor as yourself! Peace out!

Photo Bird LeCroy

SEC Football: Week 10

I do hope y’all had a Happy Halloween. Auburn was pretty darn scary but we have hit the reset button, down on the Plains, and WE COMIN’!!! Trust me on that. Oh Lane, where art thou? Oh Prime, we need that recruiting machine to crank back up. I hear Coach Cadillac is doing that with ferocity. More on all that later. Yes, Halloween. We didn’t have a lot of visitors so I put the Twix bars on top and the fun size Snickers on the bottom of the bowl. Strategy worked! I only gave out the Twix and the Snickers were all left for Me & Paul. Everyone was happy!

We have ourselves some big ol’ fat stem-winders coming down the pike this weekend. Two games will decide who the leaders are in both the East and West divisions of the Southeastern Conference. Haw!!! And besides the monster clashes in Red Stick and Hedgeville, we have highly competitive games all over the SEC.

I got my Swami hat on, so let’s do it!

Kentucky at Missouri (A pick em)

Can’t get more competitive than a pick em. Both teams will sport 5-4 records if the Tigers win. I don’t think they will. I believe the Cats are getting back on track and will find a way to escape Columbia intact. There remains the possibility of a 10 win season for Mark Stoops and the Bluegrass Boys. Kentucky 24, Missouri 21.

Florida at Texas A&M (-3)

We continue to burn barns down in College Station. I do believe they have a big yell thing going on somewhere near the Aggie campus Friday nights for home games. Billy Napier’s Water Lizards better have their tough hides greased and ready. Speed talkin’ Jimbo got some much better offensive production last Satday and here’s saying he’ll get enough out of the O to pull out a win over the visitors. A 3-5 record ain’t sitting well with the fans in Texas. And that huge contract Coach Fisher has? WHEW!!! Texas A&M 27, Florida 23.

And now we move away from the also rans to the contendas. The Big Boys. Number One versus Number Three! Haw Deux!!!

Tennessee at Georgia (-8.5)

Mercy me! Mercy me! Hit don’ get no better! Twixt the Hedges. ZERO losses between the two of them. Whoa Nellie! We have a dandy in the making! I wish Keith Jackson was there to call this Monster Match. Brad and Gary will be there. Don’t you just love Gary? All sarcasm aside, I wouldn’t be surprised if the ghosts of Larry Munson and John Ward came down to haunt this huge, juicy plum of a football game. I think there will be multiple leads changes and the last team with the ball will win. That would be… Great Corn Cobs! The Rocky Toppers! In an upset! Tennessee 35, Georgia 31.

Liberty at Arkansas (-14.5)

The Fighting Falwell Freezer Flames and the Razortuskbackhawgs! Another dandy? Most assuredly there will be fireworks. Hugh and Sam. The Escorter and Old Cold Beer.Yes, we are hearing Freeze to Auburn as well as many others. Ain’t nobody supplanting Coach Caddy until, probably, after the Iron Bowl. And what if he wins out? No, I’m not drinking.Yet. Ok, back to Fayetteville. There used to be a place called the AQ Chicken House where I loved to eat when my travels took me to Northwest Arkansas. A great big honky tonk I liked as well. K K! Football. Arkansas 38, Liberty 24.

Alabama (-13.5) at LSU

Yay Heeee! Baton Rouge at night. Death Valley. Blah blah blah. Not what it once was. The Crimpson Tide has fared exceedingly well down on the Bayou. Hey! We broke the hex down there last year. It is soooo very tempting to pick the upset. It could happen. I wouldn’t be surprised at all. But I think Nickydemus will have his squad ready to roll. Another nail-biter. Alabama 30, LSU 27.

Auburn at Mississippi State (-12.5)

I’ll take the points yet again. Unless you’ve been spelunking heavily, you know what has happened in the Loveliest Village this week. It was a Bloody Monday. Roberts and Cohen working hand in hand to right the ship and get this thing pointed back in the right direction. I think their plan will succeed. Mightily. Sooner than later. You can rest assured that they have already been in talks with agents and the wheels are turning rapidly. And the guy might come out of left field as has happened so often in the past at AU. I’d love to have the Lane Train or Deion, but who knows. I do trust our admin this time. I also trust Carnell Williams to take a relaxed yet fired WAAAAY UP group of Tigers to StarkVegas. The Tigers will play with great passion and find a way out of the second half malaise they have been in since the State game last season. They intend to go to Mississippi and win. And win they will. Auburn 28, Miss State 26.

South Carolina (-6.5) at Vanderbilt

Live from Music City. Another potential upset. Clark Lea’s Commodores and Shane Beamer’s Fighting Cocks. I honestly cannot remember the last time Vandy won an SEC game. Decent chance here. Mizzou put an end to the USC East momentum that had been gathering steam and had these Columbians ranked in the AP top 25. Roosters get their swagger back but not without a real fight from the Dores. South Carolina 30, Vanderbilt 23.

Y’all have a great weekend! Enjoy yoselfs! Be safe. Love your neighbor. and peace out!

Photo Credit Pexels Free Photos

SEC Football: Week Three

10-2 was my record in Week Two and the 2022 season total now stands at 24-3. That’s 89%. Oh I wish that this would be the percentage on the Monday after Thanksgiving weekend. Once the SEC begins to go head to head every week things get a wee bit more dicey. One more quick note. My lock last week, even though not designated so, was App State and the points. Thank you Mountaineers and thank you Jimbo! Why dally around? Let the prognostications begin!

Georgia (-24.5) at South Carolina

The new number one team in the country waltzes into Columbia after a workmanlike win over Samford. Bulldogs over Bull pups as it were. Mayo Man Beamer is cock-a-doodle doing along pretty darn well as head ball coach at South Carolina. Buster Brown Smart ain’t doing much dumb in Athens either. The Dawgs look ferocious at this early juncture, Anyone can be had. That’s not gonna happen Satday at noon (ET) though. Georgia 38, USC East 17.

Youngstown State at Kentucky (-25.5)

Ding ding ding! Taco time! (No winners last week). Name the visiting squads mascot. Without looking, Googling, etc., of course. Very nice win down in the Swamp last week, brother Stoops! Yo Cats were my second choice as the lock last weekend. Plus 4.5. Boom! Knock em out John! Errr… Mark! Youngstown is 2-0 and playing good ball. The Bourbon and Bluegrass Boys are playing sho nuff good. Another nooner here. Ranked in the Top Ten… Kentucky 35, Youngstown State 13

Abilene Christian at Missouri (-33)

Abilene might not feel so Christian after what looks to be a thrashing coming its way in another 12 PM kickoff. Remember ET, the Wildcats also might want to phone home, collect, at around 3:30 PM. Kansas State beat the snot out of Eli’s Kitties in its last game. The Columbia, Mo betters will rebound with a vic’try. “Abilene, Abilene, prettiest town that I’ve ever seen. Women there don’t treat you mean…” Really? do they elsewhere? Missouri 40, Abilene Christian 17.

Ole Miss (-16.5) at Georgia Tech

“Oh if I had a daughter sir I’d dress her in white and gold, and take her to the campus sir to cheer the brave and bold…” What a great fight song! “Like all other jolly good fellows I drink my whiskey clear…” Do they mean the whiskey itself is clear or do they mean they kill it in one long swallow? Anyhow, the Yellow Jacket alumni might drink it any way they can get it come Saturday night. Popcorn Kiffin and his Rebel Black Bears will take the sting out of Buzz. Ole Miss 34, Georgia Tech 17.

Vanderbilt at Northern Illinois (-2.5)

WHOA!!! The Huskies are favored and the Dores have a 66.2 chance to win, says BSPN. Say whaaaaat? Tweetie is confused. I find that is not uncommon when one has just begun decade number 8 on this beautiful blue marble. I don’t have time to sort all this. Coach Clark Lea! Damn the torpedoes! Vanderbilt 31, Northern Illinois 28.

UL Monroe at Alabama (-49)

Seriously?

UL Monroe at Alabama (-49.5)

See! Even when I tried to “decline”, it raised the line and hit me again. OK! I’ll pick it! Dang! Terry (Maybe more Buster Brown than Kirby) Bowden leads the Warhawks into Bryant-Denny Stadium to take on the shaken and stirred Crimpson Tide. In Saban’s first year at the Capstone, 2007, UL Monroe bested Bama. The next Auburn game we attended, after that upset, I saw a couple of students wearing Warhawks t-shirts. I saw Bama fans sporting Oregon regalia when the Tigers played the Ducks in the BCS Championship game. I don’t really care. Alabama 56, UL Monroe 9.

Mississippi State (-2.5) at LSU

Brian “Batman” Kelly and the Tiguz rebounded nicely against Southern, their crosstown “rivals”. The Pirate has found his footing in StarkVegas, Kelly has not done so in Red Stick. He probably will at some point. But I hope he takes a few classes at the Arthur Murray School of Dance first. Mike Leach told a story about going to the Flora-Bama Lounge when queried as to where the best party was that he ever attended. Will Rogers WILL carve up the Bayou Bengals’ secondary like a Thanksgiving turkey. Miss State 33, LSU 28.

Missouri State at Arkansas (-23)

Guess who the head coach is at MO State? No tacos on this little jewel. Jeopardy theme plays. BUZZZZZ!!! Ready for this? Bobby Petrino. You can’t make this stuff up. Insert Harley joke here. About 50 jokes popped into my head when I read this in prepping for the game. The thing is, ol’ Easy Rider has built an FCS championship contender down in Springfield. I spent a few weeks in Springfield back in my AAA days. It’s where cashew chicken was invented. At a Leong’s Restaurant. It was delicious! No, the Cashew Chickens is not the teams nickname. Taco time! You guess what the nickname is and a couple of carne asada tacos are yours! I like mine with soft flour tortillas, cilantro, lime, and salsa. Pigs 42, Pollos 16.

Akron at Tennessee (-47.5)

Seriously Deux?

Akron at Tennessee (-47.5)

(In my best Ronnie Reagan voice) Well,there you go again. Can’t decline. Must pick. Waste of time but it pads my stats. Same thing for The Corn Cobbers. Tennessee 55, Zips zip

South Florida at Florida (-24)

From the land of Tom Petty. An oh so dear friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, has a sister who dated Tom Petty way back in the day. God bless her and God bless Tom Petty. He is missed by so many. My favorite song of his is ‘You Don’t Know How It Feels (To Be Me)’. Speaking of music, The Boss’s ‘From Small Things Mama (Big Things One Day Come)’ is playing at full volume on my Sirius/XM Deep Tracks station right now… Pause to sing and play air guitar… Back to the Swamp. Florida 41, South Florida 20.

Miami at Texas A&M (-6)

The Hurricanes and Aggies. Hurricanes are good drinks and Aggies are good folks. Jimbo has an $86.5 million buyout. No need for one, at least in the immediate future. Who knows by season’s end. I thought I talked with great rapidity. Jimbo talks faster than a used car salesman on meth. One can procure a great deal of methamphetamine for $86.5 mill. I have a couple of meth stories. I will not share them here. I will tell you, in person, if you desire to hear such foolishness. SMH. My lock!!! Miami 23, Texas A&M 21

And now boys and girls! The Big Kahuna!

Penn State (-3) at Auburn

You can sub this contest for my “lock” if you like. The Nittany Lions trip to the Plains has been circled on thousands of Auburn fans’ calendars since the 2021 game’s completion. It will be the first game Me and Paul shall attend here in 2022. I am ready. All Auburn fans are ready. As I posted on Facebook, “White out, smite out, Orange Out At Jordan-Hare Saturday, WDE!!!” Hooooweeee!!! I hope the hospitable PSU fans have a most enjoyable trip except for three plus hours of burning hell on Saturday afternoon. This is the first time a Big Ten team has visited Jordan-Hare since 1931 when our boys took on the Wisconsin Badgers. AU has to run and stop the run, of course. It also MUST put pressure on QB Sean Clifford and get some good coverage from the secondary. If Mercer and San Jose State can throw the ball that well, think about what a sixth year senior and a talented team like Penn State could do. Auburn has four turnovers on the young season and has created… zero. That cannot continue. I do think the Tigers will play with great ferocity, passion, and intensity. I think they will get a couple of turnovers. I also believe Tank, Jarquez Hunter, and company will tote the rock quite well. T.J. has to be on the money. Ashford needs to have some nice plays. The sideline has to be better, as well. Coach em up!!! I’m feeling better about it as the kickoff draws nearer. The final nail in the coffin? Daniel Carlson. Auburn 26, Penn State 24.

No one garnered tacos last week. I hope to have a winner or two in Week Three. It should be a beautiful weekend for football in the SEC. Ya’ll enjoy the games. As Hillbilly Jim closes with on his show on Outlaw Country, “I ain’t here for a long time, I’m here for a good time”. Well, that’s close.

Take care out there. Tip your servers, and be sure to love your neighbor. Peace out.

Photo courtesy of Pexels free photos.

SEC Football: Week Two (2022 CE)

Dear diary. Wait! Wrong mode.

Welcome college football fans! That’s “butter”, as Gus used to say. It’s time to pick some Southeastern Conference gridiron games and you have landed on THE spot to do so while having a whole lotta fun in the process. Let us roll!

Week One and Week Zero (there we go with that head scratcher of a way to identify the grand opening of this great sport) saw your swami correctly assess 14 out of 15 contests for a .933 pct. How bout dem apples? Only LSWho let us down in her loss to The Semi-Holes. No problem. Let’s boogie!

Alabama (-20) at Texas.

In 1991 my son, Luke, and I took a road trip to Austin, TX. Auburn was 2-0 and highly ranked. The Horns were 1-1. I had heard about what a great atmosphere it was deep in the heart of Texas. Also what a special moment it was when the crowd stood and sang “The Eyes of Texas Are Upon You”, accompanied by the marching band. I was ready. Well, that moment came and went and was, honestly, a bit of a let down. In fact, that was one of the three or four least intimidating atmospheres I have ever experienced, and I’ve been to a boatload of college football games, from Berkeley, CA to Boston Mass. The crowd might be more up in arms over this one but it won’t faze the Crimpson Tide. Alabama 42, Texas 17.

South Carolina at Arkansas (-8)

It was a nice, hard fought win last Satday in Fayetteville as Coach Sam (Cold Beer) Pittman’s Piggies defeated Coach Luke Fickell’s Cincinnati Bearcats. Now Coach Shane (Mayo) Beamer heads for the Ozark’s with his contingent of angry Cocks. Feathers will fly and the Roosters will crow but the hometown Hawgs will topple the visitors from Columbia, SC. Arkansas 34, South Carolina 20.

Wake Forest (-12.5) at Vanderbilt

Vandy has gotten pretty cocky themselves with a shiny 2-0 record and have scored a heap of points in doing so. There’ll be a lot of action down on Broadway in the NashVegas honky tonks, with consumers paying that 23% added tax on wine on liquor by the glass. Let’s be honest. Ol’ Dudley Field won’t be rocking’ raucously. The Demon Deacon fans will be praying for a victory and the Dores fans will show up late and leave early. This could be a decent little football game. 23rd ranked Wake has too much firepower in the end. Wake Forest 42, Vanderbilt 24.

Missouri at Kansas State (-7.5)

The wagering seems to be trending toward the Tigers and the points for showtime at Bill Snyder Family Stadium. We traveled to watch Auburn beat the Kitties there in 2014. Great people and a heckuva good atmosphere. This un is a Big Twelve rematch from days gone by. Eli’s coming and the Manhattan welcome wagon will be waiting. In a dandy! Kansas State 34, Missouri 28.

Appalachian State at Texas A&M (-19)

The line has actually risen from 18 to 19 on the Aggies in an intriguing matchup of Power Five vs. Group of Five. Which five do you like? That’s what I thought! The Power! Me too! No brainer! The Mountaineers will give Jimbo’s boys all that can handle though. Should be fun! Texas A&M 35, App State 23.

Tennessee (-6) at Pitt

Live on ABC from the land of three rivers. Taco Time! Can you name those three where the waters flow free? Hint. An Oak Ridge Boys tune. Huh? Pat Narduzzi will have armed Pitt with the necessary weapons. Will it be enough to pull off the upset? Maybe. But I don’t think so. The Smoky, Rocky Topping, Corn Cobbers have plenty in its arsenal. That will be enough to vault them to a conquest over the Panthers. Tennessee 38, Pitt 30.

Samford at Georgia (-52)

Dawgs versus Dawgs. That is absolutely where a favorable comparison of these teams ends. Haw!!! The Baptist Boys from Birmingham have zero (yeah, old naught again) chance ‘Twixt The Hedges’ and Buster Brown’s Brigades. Nada, Zilch. Okay, you get the message. Here comes a ‘number six’! Georgia 63, Samford Zero. Zilch. Nada.

Kentucky at Florida (-6)

Billy Napier’s Water Lizards are a bit sassy after scraping by a very much overrated Utah team. Mark Stoops’ Felines certainly won’t run all over the Swampers (“Muscle Shoals has got the…”). Leading rusher Chris Rodriguez is not expected to play for the Cats. Yet, a donnybrook is in the making. Florida 28, Kentucky 24.

Central Arkansas at Ole Miss (-34)

Taco Time Two! Can you name Central Arky’s nickname without looking? These are all no lookers. Therein lies the fun! My Trojans gave a valiant effort at Vaught-Hemingway this past weekend. It’s not that I expect the visitors to spend all day in The Grove and play drunk. They simply do not have a chance. Ok, a 0.9% chance according to BSPN. Ole Miss 48, Central Arkansas 0.

Southern at LSU (-47.5)

It’s not like Southern is AT at LSU. Both schools call Red Stick home. The Tiguz did not look good in the Big Easy opener with Florida State. That last drive almost saw some of that famous Voodoo assist LSU to an improbable TD. But alas! A blocked PAT gave the Tallahassee gang the win. The “visiting” Jaguars can block all seven of the homey’s extra points and still lose by a hefty margin. Let’s say they do. LSU 45, Southern 6.

Mississippi State (-11) at Arizona (“Hey won’t you go my way…”)

The late great Mel Tillis once crooned, on a tune taken from Clint Eastwood’s movie ‘Every Which Way But Loose’, “Go on and send me down to Tucson and I’ll get the job done…”. Speaking of Mel Tillis. The first show I saw in Branson, when I was assigned the Western TN/KY, Southern MO, and all of Arkansas territory when working for AAA, was at ol’ Mel’s theater. After an opening song or two, he began the introduction segment of the show by saying, “I’m P P P P P Pam’s daddy.” Dude could sing! The Pirate and his Bullpups, lead by QB Will Rogers, Lord there’s another sidebar, WILL take a “W” back to StarkVegas. Miss State 38, Arizona 21.

San Jose State at Auburn (-23)

Our Tigers had their moments in the opener with Mercer. Another Baptist school. Somebody liable to get wet! Rain is in the forecast. “Dunk em Tigers just like preachers!” And then give em “hell”. Well, we did hear a heap about Hades growing up. But As Karl told Vaughn in ‘Slingblade’, “I don’t think you ‘re going to ‘Hadis’.” Neither am I. Nor neither are you. But I digress into the theological. The Spartans are coming to Jordan-Hare on Pat Dye Field Saturday night. ‘Neath the glistening skies! “Some people call it a slingblade, I call it a Kaiser blade.” I’ve done the Dionne Warwick song reference before in evaluating a contest involving San Jose State.It’s a tried and true one. “I’ve been away so long.” Silicon Valley. Yadda yadda yadda. I saw Willie Nelson, in the round no less, in San Jose back in ’87. Lord! The ramblings of an old man. Auburn 37, Sn Jose State 17.

Our taco winners last week were Claudia Swift and Ed “The Bear” Starkie. Two of my favorite folks! Let’s hope we have more winners this round. I hope we have winners every week. We’ll just have a taco fest somewhere. Maybe throw in some chips and salsa, as well as your favorite beverages and some sopapillos!

Love y’all! Safe travels and love your neighbor! Peace out.

Photo courtesy of Pexel Photos

SEC Football: Week One (2022 AD)

So, how was Week Zero for you? Weak? That’s what I thought. I have come to bring you good news of glad tidings and great joy! There are 14 SEC football games coming to you you over the next four days, and we here at Bird’s Banter are prepared to share our prognostications to one and all so that ye might find treasures and riches galore. Once again, we provide you the winners. It’s your job to find them. (And again, $1 to Jeff Shultz for that wee morsel of truth.)

Onward and upward my fellow gazers of the gridiron! The games are listed in the order in which they will be played. Movin’ On…

Ball State at Tennessee (-35.5)

Do it to it like Sonny Pruitt! (You must pay attention to the references. That’s half the fun!) He of 18 wheeler fame is the proper example of gittin’ er dun! And ex Vol head man, Jeremy Pruitt is not. “At McDonald’s, we do it all for you.” Dave Letterman’s alma mater stands zero, there’s that dang word again, chance of defeating the hometown Corn Cobbers. Actually, it stands a 4.9% chance of toppling the Rockies according to BSPN. Tennessee 52, Ball State 6.

LA Tech at Missouri (-20.5)

The second of two SEC Thursday night clashes. Now, this one could get very interesting. If Eli (has a) Drinkwitz you before the game then the Rustonites could pull of the first big shocker of the weekend. No, Northwestern’s upset of the Huskers, speaking of corn, was pretty much expected by this fearless forecaster. I said hello country bumpkin, Scott Frost’s butt is on the stumpkin. Yep! No false Natties to claim in Lincoln. Buh bye! Anyhoo… Missouri 37, LA Tech 24.

Sam Houston at Texas A&M (-29.5)

“Jimbo Jimbo!” That was a quote of Terry Bowden summoning Coach Fisher on the headset during Auburn’s 1993 National Championship season. Some source(s) did declare it! I claim it! (Hey! This is FREE!) Just like JJ and Joe Willie say! Back to College Station. I don’t know why the Aggies continue to get so much love each passing year in the preseason. Show me! Naw, that’s MIzzou. Name Sammy Houston’s mascot with proper spelling, without looking, and you win one free taco the next time we bump into each other. At what other site do they just give away free food? Homeys cover. Texas A&M 42, Sam Houston 7.

Oregon vs. Georgia (-17) in Hotlanta

The defending National Champions (“We ain’t defending nuthnin'”. Oh yes you is!) take on former UGA defensive coordinator Dan Lanning’s West Coast Groovies (Follow the references).Teacher/pupil, blah blah blah. Former Auburn Tiger Bo Nix is QB1 in Eugene. Oh Karma where art thou? Buster Brown has “elite” talent across the board. The Ducks will quack loudly for a bit. Pups have too much talent and firepower in this “neutral site” game. (Remember Legion Field!) I hope you don’t tire of parenthetical phrases. Tweetie loves em! Georgia 31, Oregon 20.

Cincinnati at Arkansas (-6.5)

Potential upset alert but I doubt it. Fun no less. The Beatles White Album song just raced and snorted across my aging mind. Remember Leather (Tusc)adero on Happy Days? More tacos if you can name the actors/singer who played her. Hawgs lost a few guys but ol’ Sam Pittman is getting there. Remember the visitors to Northwest Arky? The last time we saw them they were the Group of Five sacrificial lamb to the SEC Champions/eventual national runner up to Spanky and his gang. Arkansas 28, Cincinnati 24.

Troy at Ole Miss (-22.5)

Just spent three days with seven of my former Troy State Lambda Chi fraternity brothers at the Fourth Annual Gathering of the Cracker Box Buds. (See Steve Straughn for moniker explanation. He is our host extraordinaire and truly one of the good guys. As are all the buds). We spoke of this game and what a great road trip it would be. “Oxfud” would “nevuh” be the same. We might not bring it with the same ferocity as we did in the early to mid seventies, but there remains some fire in the bellies. Long live bourbon, bushwhackers, and beer! And NSAIDS!!! Stop there Bird! Oh for the Trojan upset. LSU Deux? ‘Friad not. Black Bear Land Sharks 35, T-Roy 14.

Utah (-3) at Florida

An SEC the underdog at home on opening day to a PAC-12 sissy??!! How dare you suh?! Da Utes won the conference in 2021 and are favored to do the same thing in 2022. Dandy Dan Mullen is gone. “Tuesday’s Gone, keep up!, with the wind.” Introducing former Louisiana Ragin Cajuns head coach, Billy Napier. He should restore law, order, and respectability to the Gainesville Water Lizards, although that might not occur fully in 2022. I haven’t heard much out of the “Head ball Coach” lately. Ye? In a mild upset/squeaker… Florida 24, Utah 23.

Miami Ohio at Kentucky (-16)

The sun shines bright in Lexington after the second 10 win season under Mark Stoops. Hats off to the Cats boss. Well, maybe except for John “Whine” Calamari. A hotbed of MAC coaching travels to Lexington for a whuppin’. Enjoy the bourbon and bluegrass! Kentucky 38, Miami Ohio 10.

Elon at Vanderbilt (-19)

Who the Sam Hill is Elon? Elon, among other fine things, was where my former colleague, and friend, Jan Fuller, was a chaplain until very recently when she retired. She was in campus ministry at Yale when I was doing the same at SUNY Albany in the capital of New York. “Those were the days, my friend, we thought they’d never end…” Very good times in the mid eighties. That’s where I developed my addiction to Buffalo wings. We are returning to NY and New England for fall foliage in October. Paul retired June 1. “Look out mama there’s a white boat coming up the river…” I digress. More tacos for Elon’s nickname! Vanderbilt 45, Elon 10.

Utah State at Aaaaaaaalabama (-41.5)

A forty plus point favorite over a team that was ranked last season. And Nickidemus just signed an extension. Dear 9 lb 11 oz baby Jesus, please let coach Saban, who we all just love so much, retire very soon. We would like to play with the football too.

Love, Tweetie.

P.S. And please bring me an electric football game and a Tucker Frederickson jersey for Christmas.

Alabama 49, Utah State 3

Memphis at Mississippi State (-16)

I can’t remember who the head coach is at Memphis. Y’all? I can remember how much I love the ribs at Rendezvous and the house band at the Rum Boogie Cafe on Beale Street. My friend Tom Kimmel married the outstanding young woman who is now the pastor at the First Baptist Church of Memphis. Great BBQ, great preaching, and great music! Can’t beat it. But the game is being played in StarkVegas. What they got good to eat there? And music? And where is the Jesus hookup? Hey! This could be a good game. Or not. Pirate wins.They did have a Ruby Tuesday the last time I was in the City of Bully Dogs. “Who could hang a name on you?” Miss State 35, Memphis 17.

Georgia State at South Carolina (-12.5)

The Downtown ATL Panthers do not resemble the Carolina or Pittsburgh teams of the same nickname. Or do they? They almost beat Auburn last year. That was the emergence of T.J. Finley. AU QB numero uno. More on that later. The Cocks will rise to the occasion and defend the Columbia home turf well. Shane Beamer’s guys won the Duke’s Mayo Bowl last year. He was covered in the outstanding condiment after the game. Folks, I don’t make this stuff up. I’ll be 70 years old Saturday. I have seen the game I know and love so passionately evolve. Would that be that word? No no no! I have seen it Devolve. SMH. South Carolina 33, Georgia State 21.

Florida State at LSU (-3)

Jay-Sus! Can we get to the Auburn game??? Did y’all see new LSU top dog Brian Kelly doing the Batman dance behind one of the guys he was recruiting? Lights flashing, et al. Vincent Vega he ain’t. Bad at mocking a Cajun accent as well. A former Memphis head coach, Mike Norvell, now leads the Semi-Holes. I wonder if he ever went to Corky’s or the Rum Boogie Cafe? I don’t know if he can dance or talk Native American, but I know the great countrysiner-songwriter John Anderson had a big hit with Seminole Wind. Great song! Tempted to call an upset. But Tiguz win and cover. LSU 28, FSU 21.

And finally!

Mercer at Auburn (-31.5)

Saved my boys for last even though it ‘s out of order in terms of when the games are played. T.J., as aforementioned, is the man. Bryan Harsin has been separating the wheat from the chaff and the man who hired him is gone. And some folks wanted Harsin gone. Sometimes I get so damn mad at what goes on at one of my three alma maters I could scream. But she’s mine and I love her (Beatles song reference). My .02? Harsin is a badass. Leave him alone and he will get this thing on track. Auburn will surprise people this season. In a good way. The first five games are at home. There is a distinct possibility of entering October at 5-0. There is talent and pretty good depth on this Lee County aggregation. Tank is primed for a massive year. The D is looking really good. The hunger is there in spades. The chip is planted squarely on the shoulder. Beware all ye who enter here! WDE! Auburn 44, Mercer 14.

So there you have it! Whew! We’re at 100% with the Commodores opening shellacking in Week Zero!

Y’all have a fantastic Labor Day weekend! Be safe! And as always, love your neighbor! Peace out!

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