The College Quickie: The Eyes Of Us Are Not On Texas

Here’s something that happens to me, all too often, when I pull up the guide as I surf for some sporting event on ESPN. Ok, let’s see here, ESPN… soccer, no. ESPNU… I’ve already seen the Manning thing a couple of times. How about ESPN2? Sports Center, hmmmm, nah. Ok ok! College Football! YES! And then my eyes will drift to the left and I note the network . It’s LSN, the Longhorn Sports Network, and I, typically, curse under my breath and flip through the guide as quickly as I can, in search of something else. Anything else!

It’s like when I search radio stations and I hear a snippet from a song that I haven’t heard before but is sounds like a possibility. And then I hear words something to this effect, ” I love you, I want you in my heart, I need you… Jesus.” No no no!!! Keep tuning! Keep tuning! Quickly! Get far away from here.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Jesus, but I cannot allow my ears to be infiltrated by the innocuous, pop lite ripoff sounds of Contemporary Christian radio. It leaves a bad aftertaste my mouth and I immediately want to find some Deep Purple, Black Sabbath or, God rest his soul, George Jones.

But if I’m deeply immersed in one of the “Possum’s” ballads, please do not hand me a pint of cheap whiskey and a gun. That could turn ugly. “He stopped loving her today, they put a wreath upon his door, and soon they’ll carry him away, he stopped loving heeeeeerrrrrrr… todayay, heyheeeeeyyyyy, heeeeeeyyyyyyyy.”

Ok, the LHN. EEEEEEEWWWWWW is America’s response to said network. What if they created a television network and no one watched? They did, and they don’t.

People are NOT watching the Longhorn Network by the millions.

I just took a look over there before sitting down to compose this piece. You know what was on? Softball vs. UTSA. After that? Yet another showing of softball vs. UTSA (that’s the University Texas at San Antonio for you neophytes). After that? The 1994 Texas vs. Oklahoma “Red River Classic”.

I mean, I’ll watch a replay the 1994 Iron Bowl, maybe, because I bleed the burnt orange and navy blue of Auburn University, and I cross myself and mutter “War Eagle” every morning when I awaken.

Come to think of it, I will NOT watch a replay of the 1994 Iron Bowl because Alabama won that game, 21-14, as the Tigers came up an inch or two short on fourth down in Tide territory, on a controversial call by the zebras.

Pat Dye once said, “If you need a yard, on third or fourth down, when you’re playing Alabama, you’d better get three.” Amen!

But I digress. Where was I? Oh! The 1994 Texas-Oklahoma game. Really? Need I say more?

The Longhorn Network is a miserable failure. It is, “the worst television programming in ESPN history…”

That quote is from a piece entitled, “The Longhorn Network Is All Hat, No Cattle.”

Mash below and be prepared. It was written by Clay Travis for his college football blog, “Outkick the Coverage”. All I can say is, wow! Just WOW!!!

Here’s something that happens to me, all too often, when I pull up the guide as I surf for some sporting event on ESPN. Ok, let’s see here, ESPN… soccer, no. ESPNU… I’ve already seen the Manning thing a couple of times. How about ESPN2? Sports Center, hmmmm, nah. Ok ok! College Football! YES! And then my eyes will drift to the left and I note the network . It’s LSN, the Longhorn Sports Network, and I, typically, curse under my breath and flip through the guide as quickly as I can, in search of something else. Anything else!

It’s like when I search radio stations and I hear a snippet from a song that I haven’t heard before but is sounds like a possibility. And then I hear words something to this effect, ” I love you, I want you in my heart, I need you… Jesus.” No no no!!! Keep tuning! Keep tuning! Quickly! Get far away from here.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Jesus, but I cannot allow my ears to be infiltrated by the innocuous, pop lite ripoff sounds of Contemporary Christian radio. It leaves a bad aftertaste my mouth and I immediately want to find some Deep Purple, Black Sabbath or, God rest his soul, George Jones.

But if I’m deeply immersed in one of the “Possum’s” ballads, please do not hand me a pint of cheap whiskey and a gun. That could turn ugly. “He stopped loving her today, they put a wreath upon his door, and soon they’ll carry him away, he stopped loving heeeeeerrrrrrr… todayay, heyheeeeeyyyyy, heeeeeeyyyyyyyy.”

Ok, the LHN. EEEEEEEWWWWWW is America’s response to said network. What if they created a television network and no one watched? They did, and they don’t.

People are NOT watching the Longhorn Network by the millions.

I just took a look over there before sitting down to compose this piece. You know what was on? Softball vs. UTSA. After that? Yet another showing of softball vs. UTSA (that’s the University Texas at San Antonio for you neophytes). After that? The 1994 Texas vs. Oklahoma “Red River Classic”.

I mean, I’ll watch a replay the 1994 Iron Bowl, maybe, because I bleed the burnt orange and navy blue of Auburn University, and I cross myself and mutter “War Eagle” every morning when I awaken.

Come to think of it, I will NOT watch a replay of the 1994 Iron Bowl because Alabama won that game, 21-14, as the Tigers came up an inch or two short on fourth down in Tide territory, on a controversial call by the zebras.

Pat Dye once said, “If you need a yard, on third or fourth down, when you’re playing Alabama, you’d better get three.” Amen!

But I digress. Where was I? Oh! The 1994 Texas-Oklahoma game. Really? Need I say more?

The Longhorn Network is a miserable failure. It is, “the worst television programming in ESPN history…”

That quote is from a piece entitled, “The Longhorn Network Is All Hat, No Cattle.”

Mash below and be prepared. It was written by Clay Travis for his college football blog, “Outkick the Coverage”. All I can say is, wow! Just WOW!!!

I say all of this to set up the article below. Companion pieces if you will.

http://www.foxsports.com/college-football/outkick-the-coverage/the-longhorn-network-is-all-hat-no-cattle-051115

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