Week 12 SEC Picks: Rabbis, Cocaine, Alaburn, and more

Hits about to get really real, college football fans! There is a great deal of weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth here in mid-November. Always is. Why is my team not ranked as the greatest of all time? We’re better than THEY are! Gary Danielson hates us. The CFP committee is biased toward the SEC! And I could go on and on and on. What-EVUH!!!

Get over yourself! Let the games play out. Pull for your team. Pull against whichever team puts your team in a more favorable position. There are bigger fish to fry. Put it in perspective. Go ahead. try. Come on… I’ll wait. Jeopardy theme songs plays…

HONK!!!!! TIME’S UP!!! Easier said than done, right? And I’m as guilty as anybody. That’s one of the things that makes NCAA football, and particularly SEC football (Wink), so great.

An aside. I’m listening to J.J. Cale’s “Troubadour” album on Apple Music, at this moment. ‘Travelin’ Light’, ‘Ride Me High’. “High high high, how high can you go? Ride me high this morning. Ride me high some more…,” ‘Cocaine’.

I can hear Johnny Cash now! “Stay off the whiskey and let that cocaine be!” Very good advice.

I never did any cocaine but that was only because the opportunity did not avail itself. Got lucky on that account. If you could drink it, smoke it, snort it, or rub it into your belly, I probably ingested it. And I lived to tell about it. Thank you Jesus!!! Literally! For real! PTL!

Speaking of ol’ JC, we are having a bible study at our church on Wednesdays, led by a Rabbi from Marietta. Albert Slomovitz. He is an assistant professor at Kennesaw State University and a retired military chaplain, among many other things. The study is on the Gospel of Matthew, looking at it through the eyes of Rabbi Jesus. Teaching Christians about the Jewish Jesus. It is delightful, insightful, and quite meaningful. The primary purpose is to connect us, for we all come from the same tree, Jews and Christians. Selah.

I say that to say this. We are all connected in this SEC football thing. Auburn and Alabama (or Alabama and Auburn for you Tiders), Ole Miss and Mississippi State, Georgia and Florida. Tennessee and Kentucky. You get the message.

I grew up playing Alaburn in the front yard and with electric football and board/card games. I would have Jimmy Sidle, Joe Namath, Tucker Frederickson, and Lee Roy Jordan all on the same team. It made perfect sense to me. It still should. We could use a little mutual admiration, love, and respect these days.

My daddy grew up during The Depression pulling for Alabama in the Rose Bowl and later in life pulled for both Auburn and Alabama, except when they played each other. I learned that from him and followed his example. I don’t do that much any more. I tend to pull for Auburn and whoever else to win, if it helps Auburn. I pulled for Alabama about as hard as one can when they played Miami in the Sugar Bowl that followed the 1992 season. It was GREAT fun!

All in all, it doesn’t really matter. Just stay safe out there and love your neighbor as yourself.

I usually close with that line, but somehow I got sidetracked. These things write themselves. I am only a mere vessel.

SEC FOOTBALL!!!!!!

Alabama (-18) vs. Mississippi State

Nick Saban’s Pachyderms make the short jaunt to lovely StarkVegas in an attempt to salve the wounds received last week during The Game of the Century. They fought back brilliantly, but, in the end Joe Burrow & Co. were too much for the hometown Tide. The Crimpsons might get off to a slow start, but look for them to rebound nicely against Joe Moorhead’s Bullies. Alabama 38, Miss State 17.

Florida (-6.5) vs. Missouri

The host Felines have been struggling mightily, as of late, and could use a big boost. This game with the Water Lizards would be a great opportunity to do just that. But alas, that is not the view in this prognosticator’s crystal ball. Danny Boy Mullen will have his Reptiles primed for the fight and Barry Odom’s forces won’t have enough in its arsenal to pull off the upset. Florida 31, Missouri 14.

Kentucky (-10) vs. Vanderbilt

The Cats are looking for a bowl bid. The Commodores are looking for Louis, Louis Chama, it appears. Derrick Mason might be looking for a job. Soon. Too bad. I like him. I like Chad Morris. I like Willie Taggert. Noooo matter. You gotta win. Or, at minimum, show a pulse. Vanderbilt is about to be chewed and clawed into submission by Mark Stopps’ version of the Fighting Felines. Kentucky 34, Vanderbilt 10.

LSU (-21) vs. Ole Miss

Ed Orgeron’s Bayou Bengals find themselves at the top of the college football heap, in all of the polls this week, after ending their eight year drought with Alley-Bama. The Louisiana Felines could have a slight emotional letdown following that monumental win in West Vance, but don’t expect it to be much of one. Matt Luke’s Black Rebel Bears will be as high the beautiful sky over Oxford Satday evenin’ but it won’t be enough to upset the visitors. LSU 42, Ole Miss 16.

South Carolina vs. Texas A&M (-10.5)

Jimbo Fisherman and Will (My fanny is gettin’ warm) Muschamp will match wits out in College Station, TX this Satday. If the Roosters lose they will be knocked out of the postseason festivities for the holidays. That won’t set well in Cockaboose Town. The Aggies will be making an effort to move up in that pecking order. The team of the 12th man is favored for a reason. They will win. Texas A&M 28, South Carolina 19.

Now we git down to bidness!

From the Loveliest Village of the Plains…

Georgia (-2.5) vs. Auburn

Hoo Hoooo, mercy!!! What a Jim Dandy this is shapin’ up to be! In this corner. From ‘Twixt the Hedges in Athens, GA. Coming in at number four in the United States of America. Buster Brown Smart and the GAWWWWWJA BUL-DAAAAWWWIES!!! AND! In THIS KONER! (Remember the Gulf Station on College Street. Traffic ticket. Old Yellow. Blew gasket. Et al). From ‘Neath the Sunkist sky! The Mad Scientist, Gustav Malzahn and his East Alabama Felines!!!! ROAR!!!! Lord! Turn ’em loose! DEE-Fense will abound! Jake Fromm Georgia will run for his life! Bo will Nix the Puppy defenders! Derrick will Brown and tan the hides of those Doggies! And Auburn! SWEEEEET AUBURN, will dash the playoff hopes of the visiting squad! Auburn 23, Georgia 21!

Drops mic and struts, stage left, with pumping fists, to the tune of Canned Heat’s ‘Let’s Work Together’!

War Damn Eagle!

The End!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s